I did it, I joined a gym. The place everyone is welcome and “lunk heads” need not apply. I have been five times and do feel so much better when I leave. Getting there is the unattainable horizon for me.
Growing up I was blessed to to have to not worry about watching what I ate. The food selections were not so abundant. Cookies, cakes and ice creams were treats on special occasions and rationed. We just walked everywhere. All we needed was within the city limits. My friends and I would chat about boys, boys and boys on our trek to wherever we were going. Chances are we would bump into friends or soon to be friends which added more adventure. Walking to school, to parks, to movies, to malls and to each other’s homes. Getting a ride was not an option for two reasons 1) we did not have a car till I was 10 and 2) it was never an option to ask.
I first joined a gym in my early twenties, summoning my inner Jane Fonda type outfit complete with headband. To me, Aerobics was more sexualized than it was considered an exercise. The weightlifting meat heads who would ogle the participants in the class really made my skin crawl. I opted to leave the classes starting weights and cardio wearing big sweats suits and sweating like the meatheads. I found my happy place. Through the years I dabbled on and off with gyms. Even had a personal trainer in our little home gym in the basement . When I dedicated myself, I had great results. When I did not, I wasted money on the unused memberships. Went into self pity putting unrealistic expectations on myself. The hamster wheel spinning around and around. Never getting where I wanted.
Spending time thinking about why I would go so hard for a while only to regress back into nothingness I found an answer. All my life, I have put me on the back burner. Thinking there was always something or somebody more important. I viewed any form of self care to be greedy and selfish. I have never finished a self help book or finished a project that brought me joy. Going to the gym, getting mani/pedi and grabbing a nap is not being selfish. It is taking care of me. To being the best version of me by being there for my family, friends and acquaintances. I have been looking at this wrong for so many years…most of my life.
Suppressing my basic needs and playing the strong silent type is no longer allowed. It is a disease of the mind/body/spirit for me.
My reason for going to the gym is not selfish, it is selfless. It is the medicine I need to get through. To just be with like minded people who take care themselves as I should.
Writing this has started to open my thinking. Put another perspective on this gym joining thing. I have been looking at it all wrong. Society hasn’t put pressure on me to be thin. I put pressure on myself by not taking care of me. As a bonus, I might lose some weight in the process while on my road to loving myself.
Blow the dust off the ol’ workout cassette….”Let’s Get Physical”….
MCM 💃🏼
Mid-Century Mama 