This month I attended the wedding of my niece. My only sibling’s daughter. She was such a beautiful bride and her husband very handsome. The whole event was well done down to the table settings and the charcuterie cups. A lot of time, effort and love went into this gathering.
Rewind to before the wedding. I fantasized about the time from January 2024 to September 2024. All the betterments I was going to make to myself before I was going back to my hometown to see family and old friends. I was on a roll, counting calories, 2-3x at the gym and getting in touch with my mental health/spiritual side. Then as I previously blogged, I was stricken with Sciatica. I say “stricken” as I was laid out for 5 months. Only leaving the house to see doctors. What a blow to the ego! I could not work out or go to my spiritual growth meetings. I tried to count calories for a couple months but the refrigerator was calling out to me. My spirit and mental health was cracked. All I could do was obsess about going to this wedding and seeing people I have not seen in so long. My plan of “I haven’t changed a bit” was now gone. I had changed a lot. Gone was the sorta fit, red haired woman who loved her red wine. Now stands an overweight, silver haired old gal who does not drink alcohol. My self pity was running in high gear, not to mention my pride and ego. Now I would have to go to this wedding as I truly am.
Scarier words have never popped into my head…”as I am?” What does that actually mean? It sounds so simple but, how does one feel at peace doing that? I am very fortunate to be a part of a beautiful fellowship for 6 years. A wonderful group of women who I can talk with, share with, and listen to. I had to leave it with my higher power. To believe my people when they told me that I would be fine. That I was a beautiful woman inside and out. That my family and friends love me for me…”as I am.”
I succumbed in the past to what society has always focused on. How I looked and what materialistic things I had. Thinking perfection is the brass ring of life. It seems life in all it’s wonder flipped the script. Pulling the proverbial rug out from under me. Showing me the real way life works. I have been deeply humbled.
In and through my fellowship of women I have found I am a good person who does matter. People need people not things to truly be happy. To accept ourselves “as we truly are”.
I am so happy I enjoyed my time at the wedding. It not only was a wedding celebration but a true celebration of self.
MCM
Mid-Century Mama 